"Why are they yelling?"
It was 1988, and my husband-to-be whispered this to me the day he met my grandparents in their cozy brownstone apartment in Queens, NY.
He followed up with, “Do you need to go into the kitchen and help?”
A bit confused, I replied, “No. They’re just figuring out which pot to use for the pasta since there’s another mouth to feed.”
You see, my husband has 28 aunts and uncles and 79 first cousins. I only have 4 aunts and uncles and 2 cousins.
I always thought my family was big—turns out we were just loud!
The Holidays Were Pure Italian Chaos
My holidays with my loud family were spent dancing in their tiny living room to big band music from my grandfather’s reel-to-reel player, hearing my great-grandmother’s foot-pedal sewing machine in the background, and watching “Miracle on 34th St.” while snuggled into an oversized La-Z-Boy chair, warm and happy.
My grandmother always made sure that food was within arm's reach with a TV tray of pastina in chicken broth sprinkled with grated parmigiana cheese.
My nights were occupied by being crushed into their tiny kitchen, which was about 2 people wide by 6 people long. Though tiny, all the aunts, uncles, and cousins chose my Nonna's house to cook and gather in. The air was thick with the smell of garlic and basil and loud with charming Italian swear words.
Generations of Love (and Noise)
From the moment my grandparents picked us up from the airport, we were strangled with hugs, smothered with kisses, and showered with loving Italian phrases like “Que bedda my principessa!”
They nicknamed my daughter (the first great-great grandchild) “The Hurt Baby” because, as they held her and kissed her dimpled cheeks so hard and loud they said, “We love her so much that it hurts!”
The Soundtrack of Holiday Memories
I know I’m not alone in having fond memories of loud family gatherings.
When we were younger, with less responsibilities, it was a time when we could fall asleep, guilt-free, to “It’s a Wonderful Life” on grandpa’s La-Z-Boy recliner, while hearing the passionate din of the grownups talking, half in English, half in NY/Italian.
The boisterous hollering of my cigar-smoking Great Uncle Luigi and the exuberant laughter of my Nonna Felicia over Benny Goodman blaring on the radio made up the perfect holiday soundtrack to the loving and delicious holiday memories.
The Quiet Holidays of Today
As I write this, it’s unseasonably quiet in my home. My family has grown smaller. And those few I do still have are off in distant parts of the world.
I realize that not every holiday can look like a Hallmark card, but I’m grateful for the decades when, in my mind, it truly did… albeit a Scorsese-directed Hallmark card.
And although I may never have those types of holidays again, I have to hope that 25 years from now I will look back at these quieter holidays and fondly admire the way my husband and I did our sweet gift exchange for two, in front of our small tree, while answering customer service emails and Facetiming a few loved ones…all from a modern and way-less-comfortable recliner chair.
When the Holidays Feel Lonely
Here is a video of one recent quiet Christmas day. I found myself alone without family for the day…and I had to think, as I walked the streets of Manhattan to get batteries and hair dye, that there MUST be others who feel a bit lonely.
And since I’m an in-your-face kind of gal, here’s what I did about it...
XOXO,
Denice
